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Archive for the ‘To my Rockstar, Hero, Paratrooper, Friend’ Category

Real

I dreamed  about you last night.  Sort of.  I dreamt of the memories of receiving letters, looking forward to responses.  I have been wondering why I am keeping your memory alive.  It’s beyond me to know what’s happened in the nearly 3 years since you cut ties.  I have my own theories but the truth is if I had meant that much to you, you would have made an effort to meet.   I have accepted that truth several times.  The fantasy of a continued friendship is a mystery to me.  I have friends.  I have dated.  I’ve even been in a relationship in the time since you left.  I’ve traveled to Florida, past the Carolinas and could have stopped if there would have been a reason to.

You cut ties.  The two most logical reasons I’ve come up with are that I was asking too much and you couldn’t handle it (most likely) or that when you went to work for the contractor you were going to be into some seriously nasty shit and you cut ties to protect me…  I think the second reason is the one I am holding on to more, but there is truth in the first also.  You in my life was more important to me than me in your life was to you.  Our friendship served its purpose in getting you safely out of Iraq.

I just want to say I’m sorry that I pressured you.

Some time I’ll post the list of reasons I wrote back then.  Its kinda funny now.

Wherever you are my friend single, married, working, retired, living or dead.  I hope you are still laughing with your children, enjoying your friends and finding joy in life.  You remain in my heart, my prayers and my dreams.

All My love

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I miss you.

I remember the first day I received your very first postcard and I thought for certain I had made a lifelong friend.  I have tried letting you go but I feel tethered to you as strongly as I ever have.  Its a cloudy day here and all I want is to stay home, sit in the window and chill out for the day.

Hoping you are well, my friend.

I love you as always.

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Iraq War Stories

Robert W. Philbrook grew up playing war.

As a boy, it seemed simple: In games of hide-and-seek, he and his friends sneaked between buildings, guarded their “forts”—and shot the “bad guys” before they shot back.

 

Good article.

Thinking of you today as every day.

All My Love

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Doc says I have planters fasciatis and we also took a chest x-ray for the swelling I’ve had since early Dec.  We believe it’s muscular and took the x-ray to eliminate lung cancer possibility and check for any tumors.  On a good note, since I’m wrapping my foot I can walk now! Never realized how awful it would be to not be independent by not being able to just walk when you want to.

 

All My Love

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Sure hurts like it and I’m using a cane to get around the house.  Its been a very rough week.  Thinking of you today.

All My Love

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Since you’ve been gone I’ve lost the heart I used to have for writing to my soldiers.  I have one adoption currently, one came home around Thanksgiving.  None have written or responded back in the last year or so.  I know the rules “support regardless of communication” and I’m good with that…it’s just so much more fun for me to get an occassional post card or letter.  Even a brief “thanks, we got your box” would light up my day.

I had so much fun getting that one huge box out to you.  I miss the interaction.  Your on my heart every day, my friend.  Prayers to you as always lifting you on angel wings.  I wish you happiness and contentment and know that you are both.

As always your angel on pointe.

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I dreamt about you last night. I haven’t done that in a really really long time. You had the funniest afro hair cut – it stuck up kind of like a cone on top of your head and had scruffy bits sticking out to the sides. I did something I haven’t done since your letter of Nov 2010 – 2009? Has it been 2 years or 3 since you cut ties? I don’t have the energy to look. I checked for you on Facebook. I found 4 people with your name, the most likely pictured with a very large woman both of you wearing Cowboys shirts. I can’t comment on the photo in case it is you. 🙂 If that is you you’ve changed enough in facial structure that I don’t recognize you…exactly. I haven’t followed you there because you or your representative told me to go away and that would be cyber stalking…so I didn’t. I did look once long ago and saw the picture of you on your front porch with your bull dog. I hope he brought joy to your life.

Why did I dream about you this morning?

Wherever you are my friend be well and happy. I wear your charm often and had my most recent photo taken with it on. This was the best photo I’ve had taken – ever and i’ll post a copy to my Facebook account, you can look it up if you want to my name hasn’t changed. You’re in my heart today as everyday. I’ve thought for a long time one day I am going to get home not thinking about much and you’ll just be standing in my yard having finally found the courage or need to meet me in person.  Total Eclipse of the Heart is playing and I have to let the horses out and get out the door to work.   (now Ain’t Too Proud To Beg, by the Temptations is on)

Be safe.
All my Love.

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